I started today’s personal journal write, and after a few minutes, just forced myself to stop. I was bickering on and on about all the annoying details of my week, month, life, etc.…What a waste of time and energy. I should’ve known something was off. I’ve been eating a lot of jelly beans lately, and I don’t even like sugary candy. But I digress…
I’m in the thick of my 35th year. There are times that feel so clear and joyful. I’m a lucky man, and I know it. I recognize it every single day. I have my health, my hobbies, my friends and family, and I live in a wonderful place where I can do a lot of the things I love. But sometimes shit gets weird, and life throws you some curveballs. Sometimes you have to make difficult decisions, you make big mistakes, and you struggle to find purpose. Sometimes you have to say “goodbye” to people. And at some point in life, we realize that we can’t be everything. This is a lesson that I’m learning, and it hasn’t been an easy one.
I am not a proficient climber. I mingle with people who sometimes say otherwise, but let’s be honest, they’re either being nice, or they know jack shit about the sport. And that’s okay. I don’t need any false confidence. That shit’ll kill you. But after a winter of training hard for outdoor, I’ve resorted to the Kramer Mantra: “It’s not about age, it’s about skill level, Jerry…” You Seinfeld fans will get that. For those that never watched the show, I’m basically telling you that there are 10 year-old climbers that can kick my ass all day long at the crag. I hope they go pro someday so at least I can give myself that excuse. But even though I joke about that, this is kind of the point of the “lesson” I was talking about earlier. If being the best climber in all the land is on my radar, I’m going to be sorely disappointed. I can’t climb for that. It’s not going to happen. Harsh Realities. Boo-Fucking-Hoo. And for all you “dreamers” out there, just keep on dreamin’. I’m not banking on a future as a professional rock climber. But this reality led me to realize one other important life lesson. And that is this:
You can recognize that things that you love, because you don’t care how foolish you look doing them.
I believe this is true for most things in life, not just climbing. I remember when I put on my first pair of compression shorts in 2004 to take my road bike on it’s maiden voyage. As a recovering gym rat, I felt like a complete idiot for the first two days on the road, but then I fell in love, and never looked back. I remember walking onto the sand volleyball courts in Baltimore with little, to no ability to play the game. I worked my way from the beginner courts to the competitive nets, although it took me a couple years. If I cared what I looked like, I would never have returned. Keep in mind, that when you love something like this, you’re still entitled to being competitive, to getting upset with yourself when you know you can do better, and you’re free to take a break when you’ve plateaued. But you, and only you, know why you do any particular thing. And for you, I hope it is personal and passionate. And please, don’t do it for anyone else. Unless you’re 10 years-old, then you do it because your parents told you to.
Lastly, I want to make one more point. Instagram is where I “promote” these blog posts. I use it as a tool to share my experiences, and to let you walk a few steps in my shoes, on my journey. But Social Media can be a funny thing, and it can make you feel inadequate, inferior, and unoriginal. Some are immune to this, but for others, it makes the world overwhelmingly large, and overwhelmingly perfect. Pictures are doctored, settings are staged, and people will take dozens of photos to get that perfect shot. This is nothing new. It’s called “marketing”. People use it to sell things, but in an unprecedented way, people are now the primary product. And let’s be honest, some people have more resources, more time, more talent, or they’ve won the genetic lottery. I’m sorry, but you’ll probably never be one of them, and that’s okay. I’m not here to criticize anyone’s decisions or how they wish to portray themselves, or their lives. Or if they want to post “selfies” everyday. Go ahead. But I do want you to keep things in perspective, and I want you to love your life, however it may look. Flaws & all. And I want you to know that my life is not perfect. If you need a reminder, please read the first paragraph again. It’s full of dark times, and such is life. Hell, if you want to get philosophical, you’ll spend half of your entire life in the dark. Don’t run from it. Embrace it, deal with it, and move on. But save yourself the hassle, and stop relying on the way the world around you looks to determine your place in it.
DB
