I suppose it’s about time to recount my recent adventure….a
winding, 3000 mile journey across the United States, from Maryland to Arizona -
two drastically different places, climates, and culturally, two states that
seem worlds apart. I pulled a trailer full of everything I owned, and hit the
road one Thursday afternoon. I drove alone, for hours and hours. I witnessed a blood red sunset over Kansas
City, I saw an electrical storm roll over a Wyoming plain, I waded barefoot in
a pristine, 12,000ft glacier lake in Colorado, I spent a perfect day with my
brother under the shadow of Sundial Peak in the Wasatch Mountains, I watched
storm clouds disperse to see blue skies against red rock spires in Southern
Utah’s Bryce Canyon, and I saw a cloud-filled sky turn every shade of pink as I
drove into the night through a desolate Arizona desert. In between these
memorable moments was a lot of time. Time I spent thinking about the last 33
years of my life, and more so, the last ten years I’d spent up and down the
East Coast. Ten tough years, culminating in Baltimore, Maryland – a place I
never would have imagined living. And it was 14 days ago that I packed up all
of my belongings and left that place - a place that was more than a home. It
was in many ways where my life began. It was a place where I became whole, and
began a life of adventure - a life worth living.
“Life.” What a heavy
word. I could write for days and days, and not begin to describe how I feel
about it. The Grateful Dead famously said, “What a long, strange trip it’s
been.”, and I couldn’t agree more. It has been a rollercoaster, but the truth
is, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else than where I am now. And that is the
God’s honest truth. “Life.” It’s so unforgiving and left to chance. It can flip
upside down in an instant. In my line of work I spend a good amount of time in
the operating room , where I’m certain none of the trauma patients being
operated on knew they’d end up there when they woke up in the morning. Life is
unfair and seldom understood. Many may think I’m wrong in saying that, but I
really don’t think I am. Three things are certain to me. We are all born, and
we will all die. The rest is this – the middle. And no one, I repeat, no one
knows how big that “middle” is. I’ll let you in on a little secret though: I
don’t know what it’s about. I’m seemingly incapable (at least at this time) of
subscribing to a dogma, or belief system that gives me the “answers”, or tells
me that based on my faith in something that I’ve never seen, that I can be
promised of rewards or some glory that follows. It is a wonderful possibility,
but it has all become inconsequential to me. I don’t need it, and I don’t want to. I think
there is enough beauty here, or at least the potential for us to behold for me
to be full. It’s the reason why I live the way that I do. It’s the reason why I
get up early and watch the sunrise. It’s the reason why I climb mountains. It’s
the reason why I push myself. It’s the reason I try new things. It’s the reason
why I waste no time, and seize every moment that I can control. It’s the reason for my courage, and I’ll tell
you another secret: I’m scared…..a lot. I’m overcome with fear sometimes, and
such is “Life”.
So why the rant? Why the ‘stream of consciousness’? I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I want to be
transparent. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to hide anything. Maybe it’s
because I want to cherish my moment. Maybe it’s because I feel so full of joy
and maybe I just want to speak the truth about it. And why? I think I know the
answer. I think it’s because there may
not be another winding road, and I want you to know who I am.
